Rebound

When you realise that you’re really over your boyfriend


‘Everyone met Holly? Babe, you know everyone, right?’

Such an arse, I thought. Tony, my dickhead, soon to be ex-boyfriend and his obnoxious artificial bonhomie.

He’d been so angry when I rocked up in girly blouse, mini skirt, sandals for a bush walk. My quiet rebellion.

Two hours of hiking this coastal bushland before this lazy introduction.

‘Hiya, I’m Sarah,’ said a pretty brunette. She held out her hand. ‘Sorry. Old habits.’

I smiled. She seemed nice. Genuine. Quite the surprise in Tony’s world. She looked comfortable, good walking shoes. The other women looked hungover, their men much the same. Although, ripped, athletic, tattooed. Delicious.

‘Nice to meet you, Sarah. Enjoy hiking?’

‘Love it,’ she said. ‘These aren’t my kind of peeps, but Johnny,’ she pointed to a dreamboat, ‘he’s working something with Tony.’

‘Part of the deal. I know how that works.’

Sarah raised an eyebrow.

‘Do I look like a hiker? I’m paid to attend.’

‘You’re a hooker?’ Sarah asked. I laughed.

‘There are similarities. Look, last night we attended the Aria Awards.’

Sarah cooed her delight.

‘You’d think so, right?’ No. Posers. But new dress, shoes, dripping in diamonds that I can keep. A tidy stash, and I’ve earned it.’

‘You don’t like him,’ she said.

‘I hate him, arrogant prick. But he has opened doors I would never have walked through. Some I wish I hadn’t. You ever tried bondage?’

‘No!’

‘His version of the Red Room. No safe word. Free to his mates. He sweetened the deal, but I paid with body and soul. I’m set up and cashing in.’

‘You’re leaving,’ said Sarah.

‘This afternoon. Chalk and cheese this life and where I come from. Time to go home.’

Tony dropped his sweaty arm across my shoulders.

‘Time to hit the peak, Hols. Let’s give those sandals a real workout,’ he said. Smiling, with cold eyes.

‘You don’t want to talk a little more business?’

‘Nah, bunch of losers. No offense, S.’

Sarah looked livid, about to strike back.

‘Some alone time, darling,’ I quickly said. ‘And, better views.’

‘Instagram worthy,’ said Sarah. I’d rescued her and Johnny from disaster.

Treacherous walk, feet slipping in sandals, wind up my skirt, hat threatening to blow away. I reached the top, gasping for air. The vista took what was left.

‘Drop your knickers,’ he said, abruptly.

‘What?!’

‘You heard. Drop em.’

The bastard being true to himself.

Suddenly, my hat flew over the cliff.

‘Stupid bitch,’ Tony yelled as he reached for it.

It was the fork in the road.

In seconds, I was at his back. With desperate power, I pushed. He fell.

His broken body far below. My eyes watered from salt air. I dropped and began to scream.

‘Help me!’ [457 words]


Written for Furious Fiction March 2022 – non-winner (nor shortlisted, longlisted …)

Story prompts: 500 Words. A character who commits a crime. Some kind of door being opened. Words to include: Chalk, talk, fork (or derivatives thereof)

Words describing the Furious Fiction flash fiction challenge, with an image of pencils wrapped in a detonator timer

Furious Fiction flash fiction challenge

Shit wife of the year award

Life in Lockdown

“Seriously Pete,” I say, staring down the webcam. “I can’t handle another day of this. Patty is doing my head in!”

“What, team Terry and Patty in trouble? Pete scoffs. “Hard to believe, mate.”

“I agree, normally. But mate, she’s being very hard,” Holding up a lumpy looking sandwich, I ask, “What the fuck is this? Vegan or something.”

“It’s healthy, mate. Lots of people doing Vegan these days.” Pete tries to console me.

“She thinks I’m fat! Last night, I was poking around in the fridge looking for something exotic to eat, and she starts into me.”

‘You’ve had enough,’ she says. ‘You’ve eaten your dinner, my leftovers, all the bread rolls and licked both plates. You’re at the fridge And, you’re getting pudgy.’

“You said that’s just posture.”

‘Well, that doesn’t help.’ She grinned, continuing. ‘You eat too fast, and your brain doesn’t know you’re full. Stop looking in the fridge!’

My cheeks are red, and I’m breathing hard as Pete begins to laugh.

“She’s a shit wife!” I shout.

The door opens and Patty comes in with coffee.

“Hello darling. Thought you could do with one. Is that Pete? Hi, Pete! How are you?” She waves wildly at the laptop. “Don’t mind the PJs.”

“You’re a vision, boss.” Pete laughs. “You know, Terry is not happy.”

“Oh, gossiping, again?” Patty asks, calmly. She turns to me. “Is this a work meeting? Or a drinks night with your boyfriend, moaning about his tiny thing, like a dizzy blonde.”

Then she gets stuck into Pete.

“Have you called Dave?” Pete’s smile slips. “It is a priority. Clients come first. Remember your budget …”

And on and on she goes. Her voice seems to fade, as my ears begin to bleed.

Then, I deep hawk into my throat and Patty literally growls!

“That’s disgusting! Blow into a tissue.You’re always doing that. Even in the shower.”

I’m mortified and feel even worse when I see Pete smirking and shooting hand pistols.

“Blowing does nothing. Anyway, it’s okay in the shower.”

“It’s still disgusting.” She’s smirking too.

“You’re a shit wife, Patty. You could win Shit Wife of the Year. I should post that on Facebook!”

“You should!” Patty cries. “I’d love it.”

“Really?” Why was I surprised? “You’re twisted, you know?”

Patty hugs and kisses me, and I notice Pete chuckling.

“We’re a great team,” she says, leaving the room. “What would you do without me?”

She might be a shit wife, I think. But she’s my shit wife.

As I turn back to Pete, he says “You have been in a premium paddock, bro!”

Swearing under my breath, I try getting back to business.

 “About tomorrow’s meeting.”

This short story was written for Australian Writers’ Centre Furious Fiction competition for August 2020. Word length, 500 words or less. Each month, certain criteria are set and for this month the criteria was:

  • Your story must contain HUMOUR/COMEDY
  • Your story must include the following five words: DIZZY, EXOTIC, LUMPY, TINY, TWISTED.
  • Your story must include a sandwich

You can read the winning entry and long-listed stories here.