This very tongue in cheek story came out of me asking my friends for some ‘What if’ prompts. My friend Bobbie suggested ‘What if … the beginning’. My first effort was along the evolutionary lines. Then for my cousin Kevin, I wrote a cheeky version of Creation. Apologies for any offense caused.
God is stoked. He feels very jolly.
But he is also knackered.
Fair to say, He has had a very tough week, having undertaken the heaviest workload in like, forever!
He’s looking around, checking things out and feeling good!
“Everybody will love it!” He exclaims. “I mean, one day everybody will love it. When there is an everybody. Well,” God concedes. “I guess I am ALL. And so, I am everybody and I love it!”
God takes a moment to review his work. Ticking off achievements on his mental list. Boy is he proud of the something out of nothing he’d been pulling off all week!
- Planet out of the void. Great illumination. Check.
- Liveable, with an atmosphere, water of life, and so forth. Check.
- Trees and plants, grasses, the Garden – beautiful! Check and check.
God thought the planet seemed a little lonely, just hanging there in a void and so, He came up with some very cool ideas:
- The Sun and Moon; because when He became busy elsewhere, the planet needed the ability to phase out of light and dark, day and night, and evolve with growth cycles. Ah, very scientific thinking, thought God.
- Adding the other planets was a point of interest! God hadn’t really thought ahead too much about purpose. But by gosh, that sky sure looked pretty.
Then God thought LIFE! And brought forward creatures (big and small, and slithery!). Sea creatures, and birds. He’d had a marvellous time letting his imagination rip!
Amid all this activity, God found the need to create words to describe all he had created. God became history’s first Lexicographer. Even before there were Lexicons and even before there were beings to care about words.
“One day,” God thinks “there will be people to use language. I’ll need to drop some clues around, at various points in the planet’s future.”
“People,” thinks God. “Animals, birds, trees, sky, stars, oceans, water! Ooh, such words. Man, oh man!”
Then God creates Adam. Ah, Adam. Man, in His own image. Well, as God imagines Himself, if He took form.
“I could take form. I shall take form. Sometime when this planet has evolved along its natural path, I might just pop in from time to time. See how they’re all going,” God tells himself, as he watches Adam and his woman playing in the Garden.
His final trick, creating the woman Eve out of Adam’s rib. Ouch, that must have hurt.
“I guess I created pain then too,” thinks God. “Downright nasty of me, that one. Why did I do that? Oh well. Don’t want to give them false hope of everything being too rosy. A being needs challenges.”
“Look at me!” God cries to the great unknown. “I could just lounge around in my heavenly abode, tossing grapes, creating angelic beings to play soothing music on golden harps. But no! I’m out there, challenging myself!”
And God looks around, smiling. And feels good. Tired but good.
Then boredom hits and He wanders off to find other entertainments. He’d need to remember to come back and see how Adam and Eve fared; in a millennium or two.
Might be some smiting to do.